I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
