we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
