Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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