I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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