No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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