there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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