There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
She even gives head with a lisp.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
