just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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