I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I have aggressive nipples.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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