you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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