A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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