So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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