You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Still dying that you shit outside
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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