I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
