No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
