You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
