Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
