The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Randomize
