I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
