So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Found your dick twin last night
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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