This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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