I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
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