just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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