If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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