Betty ford says i'm here all night
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
