I need to stop coming to work sober
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
We talked him into tasing himself.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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