i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
