I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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