Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
