So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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