That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
