So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
