just tell him i said nine months
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
