No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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