I have demons in me.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
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