She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
