This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
