I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
