Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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