i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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