Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Every concussion has its silver lining
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Randomize
