My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
