I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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