it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
