I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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