I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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