Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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