Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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