U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
