You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
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