Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
whose parrot is this?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
