did you get engaged???
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
